


Grand Gestures

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (1976)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anniversary, F/M, Humor, Romance, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Laverne and Lenny's anniversary, and after hearing Shirley wax poetic about Carmine's romantic gestures he decides to make one of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grand Gestures

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Laverne and Shirley Holiday Fanfiction Exchange in 2012. Thank you to Tam for beta!

Laverne DeFazio carefully fluffed her pillow before trying – unsuccessfully – to roll over.

“Len?” the lump beside her whine-moaned and tried to bite her ear. She elbowed him in the guts to worm her way free. “LEN.”

“No, no the Fluffernutters!” he cried out, his eyes flying wide open, unseeing for a moment, before focusing in on Laverne’s face. “Hi Laverne.”

“Hi. You’re on my leg here.”

“Oh!” He pulled away from her so violently Laverne nearly rolled out of bed. Somehow, Lenny was the one groping around for his boxer shorts while carrying on with the conversation. “Sorry. I was having this real wild dream…” 

She pouted at him, fixing her hair with her half-numb right hand. “Was it about me?” she wondered.

“It was about Sheena, Queen of the Dwarf people!” Lenny declared. “I was the king of the guard, and she was all alone in her big, empty castle…”

Laverne turned around, her hands poised on the top button of her pajama blouse. “Lenny,” she growled, “I don’t like where this is going.”

The rapaciousness immediately disappeared from his eyes. “Anyway,” he said, jumping out of bed and immediately beginning his morning calisthenics, “she ended up not needing me too much.” He laughed and started stripping once he was done. “Story of my life.”

A pillow smacked into the back of Lenny’s head. “OWW, Laverne!” he whined.

“Owww, Laverne,” she mocked. “Len, I happen to need you very much, in case you happen to have not noticed here.”

“Sure, Laverne, but you have to need me,” he replied. “On a count of you bein’ my wife and all.”

“And that ain’t good enough?”

“Sure!” Lenny chirped. “But you kinda have to love me. That’s the law of the ring, Laverne.”

She growled and strolled toward the shower. “Nobody forces me to love nobody,” she replied. 

“La-verne,” he retorted. “We’re bound by God to like each other ‘til one of us croaks. It’s like the promise I signed when I was a boyscout, only way more important, ‘cause if I lose my fancy pin this time I go to hell, instead of tension.”

She spun the taps and eyebrowed at Lenny in response. “Whatt’re you doing in here, Len?”

‘Casually’, he leaned against the shower wall and tried out his best Brando. “Thought I’d remind you _why_ you like me so much by making you an offer you can’t refuse.” 

Laverne rolled her eyes. “You’re something else, Len.”

But she didn’t resist when he pulled her into the shower with him.

**** 

“Peach lipstick,” Shirley sighed, staring into the make up counter mirror in dismay before wiping her face against the back of her sleeve. “Boy, Laverne, I was hoping we left that stuff back in the sixties!”

When Shirley received no reply back and glanced over her shoulder to notice Laverne, staring into space. She shoved her best friend, only to receive a pout and a shove back. “Whattya waaant?” she whined.

Shirley rubbed the back of her head – it had banged into the sales case at Laverne’s shove. “I thought I was having a conversation with someone.”

“Oh!” Laverne winced. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking about this morning. Me and Len…”

Shirley cringed. “Please spare me the disgusting details.”

Laverne pouted. “They’re the same details I’ve been trying to give ya for twenty years, Shirl!”

“And I’ve been trying to ignore them for just as long,” Shirley retorted, refolding the sheets before her carefully. “Please tell me there wasn’t some sort of strange…emergency you need my help with.”

Laverne pouted. “So what if there is? You’re the one with more experience with this whole marriage thing!”

“Walter and I have been divorced for six years and you’ve been married twice before,” Shirley pointed out serenely. “You don’t need to connect the dots for me.”

Laverne shrugged. “Yeah, well…y’know, Len knows I bumped into Sonny at the market last week.”

Shirley gave Laverne a shrug. “Sonny’s a lovely man. And he’s also walked in sixteen pride rallys since 1977.” 

“I know that, Shirl,” Laverne said. “It’s kinda sent Len into prince charming mode.”

Shirley winced. “Has he thrown his jacket on the ground for you to walk on yet?”

“Down the sewer. We spent six hours pulling it out with a bent coathanger.” Laverne shrugged. “I dunno, Shirl, he tries real hard, but he’s gonna get himself hurt.”

“He’s Leonard,” replied Shirley briskly. “He wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t try too hard.”

“Now that’s just mean!” Laverne protested. “What about the time Carmine tried to serenade you with his little guitar on Mulberry Street yesterday, huh? Everybody laughed at him, and Mister Bobolcini threw a rotten tomato down the neck of his shirt!”

“That was different.” Shirley sighed dreamily. “It was our ANNIVERSARY.” 

“Please don’t start talkin’ about how special you…”

“…Once a year, I want him to do something GRAND, and once every year he does it.” Shirley grinned and tossed a green cableneck sweater into their cart. “And he hasn’t disappointed me once in twenty years.”

“…And you’re already talking about it. Shirl, we all know Carmine’s crazy about you, and he was a real stand-up guy marrying you all those years ago when Walter died, but I’m saying this from a real nice, loving place – stuff a sock in it!”

Shirley frowned. “Hey, just because I have an attentive, loving husband doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t….”

“Watchit, Shirl…”

“Rise above his station occasionally,” Shirley said primly. “Besides….”

“HEY!” shouted someone by the large bay window that occupied a great portion of the wall in Pfister’s Bargain Outlet. “There’s a guy on the third floor of the building across the street; and he looks ready to jump!”

“Oh my God!” Laverne blurted, rushing toward the closed pane. She and Shirley competed for sill space. “LENNY!” she shouted.

Her husband was anything but suicidal. In fact, he sported a cheerfully bright yellow superhero suit as he clung to the third flood ledge, a large banner in his hand. He’d somehow managed to pin up one end of it before

“Laverne!” Shirley gasped. “I don’t believe it!”

“That he’s pulling some crazy stunt for me?”

“No, he’s going to die looking like THAT!” 

Laverne used Shirley’s shoulders for a ballast as she reached for the hinges and ripped them open. “LENNY!” Laverne shouted, staring up at the sheer forty-foot climb that loomed before her. “What are you doing?”

“Hey Laverne!!!” he said.

“WHAT. ARE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” she hollered.

“Trying not to whizz my shorts!” Laverne let out a groan.

“Lenny!”

The little blue flag on his head bobbled in the wind. “I got to thinking about how Carmine does all of these big-shot things for Shirley,” Lenny said. “I just wanted you to know you’re special too, ‘cause I really love ya a lot.”

“Lennn…” she rested her palm on her chest. “I love you…but you’re such a dope! Who put a dangerous stunt like this in your head.”

“Squig helped.” 

“I knew it,” she rubbed her temples. “Get down here already!”

“I’m tryin’ to!” he whined. “But it’s a lot higer than it was when I came up!” Lenny’s eyes went wide as he almost lost his grip on the woodworking over his head.

“Go to your right. Your RIGHT!” Laverne shrieked. Lenny crept in the correct direction. 

“Hey!” he laughed nervously. “This is pretty fu….” His foot slipped on the ledge and he tumbled backward. “FUUUUUN!!”

Laverne shrieked, shoving Shirley aside as she ran down two flights of stairs and toward the back of the building. She heard a loud crunching sound that marked his descent and let out another scream, throwing herself headfirst into the dumpster. 

“LEN!”

“I landed on a bum,” he moaned.

“Hey,” came another voice. “Y’gotta dime for my troubles?”

*** 

“Well,” Laverne said, snuggling up to her husband. “I guess there’re worse ways to spend an anniversary,” she said, wrapping her unbroken arm around Lenny’s neck.

“Boy, you’ve got that right!” Lenny grinned, trying to keep his broken leg as still as humanly possible. He cuddled up to her and wrapped his arm around her side. “So whatcha wanna watch?”

Laverne grinned. “You.” 

He cuddled her close. “Sounds perfect.”

THE END

Their handcuffs clinked together merrily as they kissed.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fanfiction which includes characters from the television series "Laverne And Shirley". No copyright infringement for monetary gain is intended by the use of said characters.


End file.
